(Just a few words of what’s been happening in our lives. We’ve been going through some deep waters lately. A very close person I know has relapsed into drugs.. again, It’s so very heartbreaking and painful to watch. I cannot explain the pain, unless you have been there!. Before I start my post, I just wanted to comment and encourage any of you going through something like this! Drugs are so real, and so scary. If you are affected by this epidemic, reach out to people in your circle who will listen to you and help you and be a shoulder to lean on. You should never have to carry this burden alone, it’s not something you did! People are free to make their own choices. However, if any of you are in a position and you feel like no one gets you or will listen, please feel free to e-mail me. I don’t know all of the answers, but I will listen. email@example.com.)
Hello, my dearest online friends. It always takes me forever to publish a personal post. They take so much thought and prayers when composing. It’s like I leave a piece of my heart on the pages of the internet world, and that’s kind of scary. However, this has been something so heavily on my heart and mind for some time now. I feel led to share with the rest of you, in hopes it will be a blessing to someone else as well!
A few months ago, while in Scripture, I was reading Psalm 139 and the passage really touched my heart deeply. “Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me, and know my anxieties; and see if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting”. I have heard and read those verses so many time before. This time, the words rang differently. I truly wanted God to search my heart. Search the deepest parts that are hidden from everyone and show me what He found. How often I’ve read James 1:23-24, “For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man observing his natural face in a mirror; for he observes himself, goes away, and immediately forgets what kind of man he was”. That’s what I felt I like I often do, not focus enough on the reflective mirror of God’s Word for it to clearly show me the state of my heart. The parts hidden for no one to see. And not just show me, but I actually see with my spiritual eyes and work on what is exposed, what God needs to be changed in my life.
I was raised in a Christian home and instilled with great morals from a very young age. I attended Sunday school, had a wonderful time during my youth years. God blessed me with a Godly husband and wonderful children. So many time when asked what my beliefs are on a topic, or what my stand is on a particular matter, my answer would always have the same direction. I would credit my wonderful upbringing, or the church I went to, or the book I read, or the Christian public figure I looked up to, etc. And as I sat, I felt so convicted by the Holy Spirit. The basis of my answers were not God himself through Scripture. I very rarely answered because this is what I read here or there in Scripture, or this is what the God taught me through extensive prayer and petition. And it felt like it showed my relationship with God. Scripture, Holy Spirit and God Himself were somewhat an afterthought. The basis of my walk with God was not God himself, not His Book He left for me. It was the religion I was brought up with, or the beliefs of my parents, or influenced somehow by the people I look up to in society or the elders of my church. Oh my, that realization hit hard and I felt ashamed. Am I trying to say those are all bad things? Absolutely, not! Those are a must but should never be the foundation of my Faith! Then those people fall and my faith is shattered with them because its basis wasn’t solid.
Can you imagine if your relationship with your husband wasn’t based on the two of you but was shaped by what others said about him? What your pastor’s view of him is? If your relationship only grew by what your mom thought of him? But… God showed me that’s so often how we are with God. What kind of relationship would that be? Our understanding and growth of God are so often by what we hear from others.
Our parents and grandparents were persecuted for their faith physically. Many were jailed for sharing their faith, others imprisoned if a Bible was found in their home, and many were beaten and tortured for Jesus’ name. Today, we have a different kind of persecution in a sense. The battle is in our heads and our hearts. We are given everything we could possibly want or ask for in life. Time, money, all the information we need, comfortable living, free speech and yet we are so far from God. It is hard to find time to get into Scripture, yet we roam the internet with comfortable ease on a regular basis. We don’t have time to have devotions with our children yet we find time for movies that last a few hours long, in one sitting. We don’t have time for an intimate relationship with God yet we know everything about the latest happenings of people we follow. We don’t have time to close our doors in prayers for the struggling youth or families in our churches yet we are up-to-date on the latest gossip surrounding them.
If Jesus himself came to visit me for a week. How would I change the course of my day? If he saw the people I followed on social media and the things I watched, would he approve? If he listened to my conversations with my friends, would he be pleased? If the information in my thoughts were exposed for all to see, would I mind? If He didn’t leave my side for a whole day, how many things would I change?! Ouch. The honest answers to these questions may be painful.
Yet, Jesus sees all of it, on a daily basis!
We live in a fallen world. Sin is more real than ever. However, we are equipped with so much to fight the good fight. As my convictions of my time with God sank deep into my heart. It’s a true battle to refocus your train of thought and really try to KNOW God on an intimate level. Get to know him through serious prayer, through praise and genuine worship. Get to know Him through His most personal book he left, the Bible.
I hope this post gives you something to think about, as it did me. I hope it encourages you to sit down and have quiet time with God as He searches your heart, as He did mine. Let Him expose what’s in your heart and what He wants to be changed. And work on the changes, as I am. Though we are justified in Christ once we become believers – it’s a one-time deal, sanctification is a never-ending process. Becoming more and more like Jesus is a daily walk and a lot of work on oneself until we meet him.
May the foundation of our beliefs, Faith and deep convictions be founded on the Holy Book, The Bible.
(P.S. Please share what God has been teaching you lately? What has He been working on your heart about? How hard is the struggle to actually change, yes? I LOVE hearing your feedback!!) 🙂 🙂 🙂
Thank you for taking the time to read this all the way through. Ha!